she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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