wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Are we still banned from the library?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
