This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
