my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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