Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
