Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
