Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
