So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
