no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Still dying that you shit outside
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
