I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
