some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
