Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
