how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
