I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
