in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
