he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
