seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
