who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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