My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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