My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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