Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
