i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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