so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize