it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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