Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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