I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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