Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
one might say we're banned from that church
are you so shy because you have an std?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
