I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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