It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
