dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
