As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
