shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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