is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I need to stop coming to work sober
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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