I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
