You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
