this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
