Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
