the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize