so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Even my vagina gasped.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
