Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
