i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
