so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize