I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
