the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
