Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
