yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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