i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
