someone get that fucking seahorse.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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