Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
