And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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