The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my poor anus
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
