As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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