Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
