Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
