I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I will be naked everywhere
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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