i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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