Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
