He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
