Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
