Just mADE A PArabola og urine
too bad you live with your parents still
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
