any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
