I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
