is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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