My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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