New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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