Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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