she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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