i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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