All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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