Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
