Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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