I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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