I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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