how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
