We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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